I tricked my students into revealing themselves to be perhaps more materialistic than they would admit to being by asking one of the many seemingly open-ended, subjective questions I will ask over the course of the semester, questions that don't seem to have a right answer, but certainly do in my mind. It's terrible to do perhaps, but one of teachers' true joys, I suppose.

I have learned that it's never a bad idea to review the eight parts of speech on the first day or two of a composition class. Once the class has listed and described them all, I ask them which they think is most important. Inevitably they say nouns, but we know better. We know that actions are more important than possessions. Don't we? Keeping in mind that the shortest sentence consists only of a verb--"Go."--I think we have linguistics on our side too. It's the difference between having a brain and using it. Sometimes I need to listen more to my own advice.

I can't figure out how to let people post comments to my website, so I am relying on the good people at Google to do that work for me. I was even sneaky and customized the template to look like one of my own pages. I doubt anyone will notice. Leave a comment if you would like to help these posts seem less like trees falling in the woods.

Not a glazed doughnut. Not even a jelly. I need an inflatable doughnut. And a sitz bath. I have hemorrhoids again. I had them before, after an adventure in a snowstorm in West Virginia. Now they're a recurring curse. Perhaps I need more fiber.

I was just in the bathroom. That's not the confession. The man next to me at the sink, I happened to notice, had a long strand of toilet paper hanging from the back of his pants. I almost told him, but then decided not to. He was sweaty and haggard, and I figured that a tail made of TP would be the least of his problems.